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Can't Escape My Nightmares

Author: Leopard
Rating: Moderate
Status: Complete



Yet another Thorki oneshot, in which Loki has nightmares


Loki woke with a start. It was the middle of the night. He trembled. A tear ran down his face as a memory of the horrifying nightmare he had had flashed through his mind. He took a shaky breath before sneaking out of his bed and along the corridor to where his brother slept. They were young, and while Thor almost never had nightmare, Loki had them frequently. Almost every time he would go and wake Thor. This was no exeption.

"Thor?" he whispered, poking his brother's shoulder. Thor rolled over and grunted. He opened an eye.

"Another nightmare?" Loki nodded and quickly wiped away his tears, embarrased that his brother might see him cry because of a nightmare, even though Thor had already seen him cry in the middle of the night hundreds of times.

Thor, now mostly awake smiled and shuffled along his bed. He usually sprawled all over his bed when he slept, unlike Loki who usually curled up and didn't move until morning. "Come here," Thor stretched out his arm. Loki crawled up onto the bed and curled up next to his older brother, fitting snugly into his arm.

Thor smiled sadly, and quickly fell asleep. Loki did not notice, and fell into a deep sleep, safe next to his brother.

~~~

Loki awoke with a gasp. Breathing heavily, he stared up at the celing. He had just been a child the last time he's had a nightmare. That was years and years ago. This nightmare had been less scary frost giants coming to eat him and more Thor doing something reckless and getting killed.

What felt like instinct pulled Loki out of his bed and left him outside Thor's bedroom. Doubting himself for a second, he turned the handle without a sound. Loki tapped his brother gently. "Thor?"

Thor awoke suddenly. "Loki?" He looked confused. Loki ducked his head ashamed, and without a word, Thor knew what had happened.

"I'm sorry," Loki whispered as he curled up next to his brother, just as he had when he was a child. Thor's arm still fit around him, shielding him. Safe.

Thor shook his head slightly. "Never be afraid, I'm always here." he replied. Loki rested his head on his brother's chest and drifted off into sleep.

~~~

Loki slept restlessly, waking every few hours from yet a more terrifying dream. And yet he did not move. He could not go to wake Thor, for several reasons. One being that it would be embarassing as he was definetely not anywhere near being a child any more. That, and Thor's ascencion to the throne was tomorrow. His brother's big day. That he intended to spoil slightly with frost giants.

A guilty sob escaped him. There wasn't really any reason for it. Jealously, he supposed was the reason he was intent on it. Thor had been better than him forever, so why shouldn't the new king prove himself? Or maybe he wouldn't become king. What did it matter? Thor was too reckless to be king anyway. Loki rolled back over into nightmares.

He emerged from near death at the hands of the frost giants only an hour or so later. Without meaning to he found himself walking to Thor. With his hand on the door, Loki paused.

He sank to the floor in the corridor, exhausted. He slept, badly, outside the door. 

~~~

Loki's eyes snapped open. Tears had stained the pillow, and continued to do so. His fault. His fault his brother was banished. His fault Odin had told him he was a monster. His fault he was a frost giant.

So why did he not feel guilty? In fact, it explained everything, as he had shouted to Odin. It explained why he was never good enough. Why he was never strong enough. Why he was never worthy enough.

And now for all the nightmares in the world he was alone. Alone to face them. Alone in the dark. Alone to plot.

A bitter smile spread across Loki's face. He knew what he would do, he would prove himself a king. Whatever it took.

He still found himself wrapped in Thor's sheets, crying himself to sleep.

~~~

Nightmares lived inside Loki's head. They whispered when he was awake. Numb. He was numb inside. He couldn't feel any more.

If he could, how could he live with himself? He had kidnapped one of Thor's mortal friends and killed mortals. Puny mortals. Nothing to him. Making them kneel had been fun. How twisted he was.

And yet Thor still loved him. How? That scared Loki more than any nightmare. Thor's unending love.

Loki sat, emotionless in the cold, glass cage.

~~~

A prisoner of Asgard. Not even Thor would look at him now.

Muffled sobs took Loki into sleep.

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