Type: Original Story
Updates every Tuesday, Saturday, and Sunday.
“What an insufferable prick!” they yelled.
“She can’t possibly ever be successful in life!” they teased, words drenched in acid.
But all behind closed doors.
Everytime Amaya found herself walking past her parents room when they were having a conversation, it was always about her. Always. And not in a good way. They’d throw her down, speak words cutting deeper than blades, and it lowered her self-esteem, drastically. Everyday was an excruciating fight for her life to feel even a grain of happiness again, like when she was a little baby. When her parents didn’t worry about how “successful she’ll be” or “how she’ll affect the family reputation.”
“Beep! Beep! Beep! BEEP BEEP BEEEEEP” the alarm clock shrieked.
“Okay, sheesh alarm, I already have parents to yell at me, I don’t need you too, calm down.” Amaya lazily pushed the snooze button her eyes fluttered shut, and she drifted back to sleep.
The next time she woke up though, it was worse than an alarm.
“Amaya!” this time it was not the alarm clock screeching for her to get up, but her mother instead.
“Get out of bed right now!” she yelled. “You’re going to be late!”
“Y-Yes, mom…” Amaya timidly responded, in the burning glare of her parental figure, the one who was supposed to give her “love” and “care”.
With that, Amaya hastily got ready just in time to make it to the bus. As she got on, she felt a rush of relief.
“At least I won’t have to be with my parents,” she thought. “But now I have to be at school! How annoying...”
“I could always draw…” she exclaimed.
Amaya slid her sketchbook out of her bag, and drew one of her favorite video game characters, Kendy from Kendy and the Blink Machine. Until she spotted a timid, tall girl sitting across from her.
“Is...is that Kendy…?” she asked. Amaya could clearly tell she was introverted. Amaya was kind of in the middle when it came to that kind of stuff. But this girl seemed…..
“Oh yes, it is!” Amaya said with a grin. “Here, come sit with me!”
Thank you so much for reading this first part. I plan for each of the girls to have something unique for their chapter. If you couldn't already tell, Amaya's is the fact that there is emphasis on the emotion she feels. I hope you enjoyed, and are excited for the parts to come! o(uwu)b
“Before it all drives me craz-"
“Why is it that no matter what I do, I can’t seem to please everyone?!” Miyako screamed to herself.
This is how Miyako constantly felt. Every single day of her life was a struggle to make everyone happy. She felt broken. She felt...like she wasn’t worth anything.
It was even worse now, having to go to a new school, face a new environment, away from her already pre-made friends, which was difficult enough. She only had the few others who decided to go to that same school that she had already knew.
Miyako lived in good family conditions. She had good grades, that she could easily manage, a loving family that adored her, and she was nearly always the teacher’s pet. But for some reason, she couldn’t feel happiness. It was all just a blur to her.
“THAT I’M GOOD ENOUGH-”
Miyako walked out of her house to the bus stop.
“Gah, it’s cold,” Miyako thought to herself, “I should have worn gloves…”
The bus swiftly rode up. Was the bus driver some kinda hurry..?
Miyako sit in the back across from a girl who looked like she was lightly sketching something. She stole a glance, and even shifted her weight over a little bit and noticed it was one of her favorite characters.
Somehow, Miyako choked out words from suffocating thoughts.
“Is...is that Kendy…?” she asked, her voice small.
Amaya could already hear the harsh words pour from the girl’s mouth, even if she hasn’t even said anything yet. She knew what was going to happen. It happened so many times before. It’s all just a movie on repeat, with different actors, same scene, all black and white. She shook violently in her seat, tears forming, and her thoughts tore her down into the abyss, drowning her in blood.
“Yes! It is!” The girl smiled happily. “Come sit down here with me!”
She was shocked, for once she managed to float up from that sea of blood, for once a gasp of air was given, for once, her tears were dried without her using her shirt. For the rest of the bus ride, they made a connection. A friendship. Something that Miyako felt like it would last for a long time. But one thing ominously lingered in the back of her mind.
Author's Note Time!!
I swear, I won't have an author's note after every chapter. But I have a few things to mention!
1. The future of this wiki. There are currently no active admins, and I would like to become one! I created a post about adopting the wiki, and you can check here.
2. My wonderful editor, WeebyWeebster. She goes by WeebyWeebster on fandom, but is TisAPotato on wattpad. She has a fanfic of her own on there, and I suggest you check it out!
3. You may be wondering how I got the colors. I created a new template, it's called color. The documentation's a mess, I'll fix it later.
Ch1 - Friendship?
The rest of the way there, they talked about so many things. An unforgettable interconnection, for both of them.
As they made their way to school, Amaya stole a glance over at Miyako, and noticed that it seemed she was confused as to where to go.
“..You new to this school too I’m guessing..?” Amaya asked.
“Oh, yes…” Miyako took a second to fully process what Amaya had said. “Wait, ‘too?’ Are you new here as well?” she questioned.
Amaya giggled. “Yes,” she replied. “At least it makes me feel a bit more comfortable to know there’s another new person here!”
After that little chat, Amaya went back to spacing out and not paying attention, (as usual), and nearly ran into a tree on-campus.
Miyako saw and swiftly moved her to the side.
Amaya looked extremely shaken, and Miyako quickly apologized.
“I’m so sorry! I didn’t want you to run into the tree, and-”
“No..” Amaya softly whispered. “It’s...It’s not you…”
Hey mommy, can I go on the swingset!?
Okay honey, be careful!
Remember that we’re at your school, we wouldn’t want to soil the family reputation by being clumsy!
Watch out honey, it’s a tree!
WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE FAMILY REPUTATION?!
YOU NEED TO BE PROPER!
YOU CAN’T MAKE MISTAKES!
WE COME FROM A VERY FAMOUS FAMILY, AND…
“...we come from...a very…” Amaya repeated softly.
“Are you okay? You’re repeating nothing but gibberish at this point. Do I need to take you to the nurse?”
“No, I’m fine!” Amaya brushed herself off.
This was like the previous situation all over again, except this time, she had someone who actually cared about her.
....someone….who actually cared about her…?
Ch2 - Friendship!
At lunch, Miyako and Amaya sat together, and one of Amaya’s friends came over to sit with her.
“YOOOO! Amaya!” Yoko yelled from afar, waving her arms like a maniac oblivious to any attention she might draw to herself.
“Yoko, huh..?” Miyako thought to herself.
It felt like that girl gave her a bad feeling in her stomach. Like a empty pit in her. She hadn’t done anything seemingly wrong..but...she still made Miyako uneasy nonetheless.
“Hey, Miyako..?” Amaya’s clear voice broke her out of her trance.
“Oh, um, yes?”
“Um,” Amaya started. “I don’t think I ever properly thanked you for helping me back there...ya know w-with the tree.”
“Oh, no problem!” Miyako brightly smiled.
Yoko stared at the two.
“Uh hey, you’re Miyako, right..? The girl in our class..?” Yoko said casually.
“Yup!” Miyako said. “That’s me!”
“Wha..did Amaya do something to me…? I can finally talk to people without getting so..so...awkward! It’s almost as if she granted me social skills or something!”
This thought didn’t last for long though, as the anxiety started the well into Miyako’s gut. A different one this time though. She started to have..a sensation...a realization…
Ch3 - SeNsAtIoN
Little did Miyako know, Amaya was feeling the same way. Tossing and turning all night in bed (and this time not just because she thought her mom was going to yell at her).
“Calm down, Amaya. Calm Down. You...you don’t like girls...you know you don’t...GAH”
Amaya’s dad kicked the door, bursting through them.
“WHAT’S WITH ALL THIS NOISE?!”
Gah, he must have been drinking again!
“I’m...I’m sorry dadd-”
“DON’T YOU DADDY ME! YOU NEED TO BE QUIET, OR THE CONSEQUENCES WILL NOT BE PRETTY!” His face was beat red and veins popped out of his forehead.
Her dad was bipolar. Like, very bipolar. One minute, he’d love you, he’d smother you, and simply adore you, the next, he’d scream at you, as if he never loved you, then he’d stand up for Amaya when her mother called her a coward or a selfish brat.
It wasn’t his fault though. Not at all. Miyako knew that her dad wasn’t an awful person like her mother. He was forced in.
Her father gave her one more stern look, then slammed the door shut, the smell of beer tainting the air like a heavy wave.
The same silence that she’d heard when she walked into her parents room.
When she tried to stand up for herself.
Amaya shook off the thought in her mind. She had kept it repressed. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to remember that…
The day her mom aGl0IGhlciwgcnVpbmVkIGhlciwgbWFkZSBoZXIgYmVjb21lIHNvbWV0aGluZyB0aGF0IHNoZSBjb3VsZCBuZXZlciBjb21lIGJhY2sgZnJvbS4=
Hi everyone! I created a new story (it's a songfic) called RIP & RELEASE The Pain! Check it out!
Also, just as a fair warning the next chapter is going to be trippy and edgy all in one. Watch out for that.
Anyway, tysm for reading!!
This is a Miyako Chapter
A s e nnnn sss at i on
E A U
T I f uL l l l l l l l l l
E x p l o s i o n o f c o l l l l l l l oo r
Th e e cc o o o l l l
Oooo r r ss
Ss p e a k t o m e e e
T E L L L L L L I N N G G G M EE TH AAA TTT
I f eee lll a c ee r r t a i nnnn t h i nn gg Love? I
S i T Love? A Stt a i r w e ll l l
F u l l O f C a n d y
H E A R T S
Yet i still don’t understand how the feeling works, or if she likes me back. I suppose it’s a mystery.
Hi everyone, the formatting for this chapter is kinda off. Sorry.
Also, big thanks to my otherrrr editor MistDemonMettaton! Such a sweetheart~
Anyway, see ya on Tuesday!
Ch5 - Weekend
Both Amaya and Miyako suffered through the weekend, ready to go back to school the next week, even though just 1 week ago they were so ready for the weekend. They were both thinking of each other, yet didn’t even know that the other adored them equally, if not more.
“Miyaakooooo~” her mother called.
“Yes, Mom?” Miyako ran down the stairs.
“Soooooooooooooooooo…..” Miyako’s Mother had a sly look on her face, that one when she just knew her mom was planning something.
“Are there any cute boys in your school…..?” the words pierced into Miyako’s heart.
“Cute boys,” she thought. She wanted to tell her mother, “Well, there’s this really cute girl who has this lovely smile, who accepts me, who doesn’t seem to care about-” but then she stopped thinking of it.
“N-no..” she stammered. Even if there was a cute boy in the school, she wouldn’t tell her mom about it. Her mom would try to matchmake them, and...that wouldn’t go over well.
“Hmm, okay..” her mother replied. “Lemme know if there is! I’ll make sure you two get together :3.”
“MOMMM!” Miyako groaned.
“Hehe..” Miyako’s mother giggled. “Sorry, I get carried away sometimes!”
Miyako escaped back into the comfort of her room. Her mother wasn’t bad..but sometimes she’d act as if she were four years old. Her dad was working most of the time and never got to see the interaction. He would probably just laugh though.
Amaya, meanwhile, stayed in her room all day long. She felt lonely, yet at the same time she wasn’t lonely because she had Miyako. It was strange. Her “room time” didn’t last too long though.
Amaya’s father walked into the room.
“Hey, Amaya!” he called. “Do you wanna go to the park? Or are ya too old for that now?”
Amaya loved to go to the park, especially real empty ones with not a lot of people. Her dad usually took her to a park with some wild ducks and a pond when she was little, and she assumed he’d take her to the same one.
“Sure,” she said enthusiastically, “We’re going to the duck park, right?”
“Youuuu betcha!” he winked.
And off they went, adventuring into the park.
Ch6 - Back to S(cool)
“Aight, kiddos.” The bus driver called as kids from Miyako’s bus stop piled on. “Y’all are gettin’ assigned seats. Choose wisely who ya sit with. ‘Member that these are in pencil, I can change where y’all are sittin’ at any time.”
Of course, Miyako quickly rushed over to Amaya’s seat, but then realized how peppy she looked.
“H-hey..Amaya..I..um..you...me...sit..” all the words came pouring out of her mouth except what she wanted to ask.
Amaya giggled, in a sweet manner like always. “You want to sit with me, don’t you?”
Miyako quickly nodded. “She probably thinks I’m some sort of weird-o!”
Amaya patted the seat next to her like she did on that first day. As Miyako sat, she gave her an alluring smile. Not like the ones that witches give you to try and seem normal. No no, this was a genuine smile.
Amaya pulled out her phone. Miyako moved closer to her to see what she was watching better (and also just to be close to Amaya in general). She glanced over at Amaya, hoping that she didn’t notice. Amaya did notice, but didn’t mind.
“I like to go on to wordoftheday.com…” Amaya started, “And see what the word of the day is. Oddly enough, it seems like somehow it relates to my life.”
“Hmm, strange!” Miyako replied.
Amaya pulled up the word on her phone.
Word of the Day: tantalizing
Both sat in awe. Amaya didn’t even know what the word meant, but Miyako knew did. She wondered how it had any connection to her life.
“She couldn’t possibly like ME, could she? It’s, it’s probably just someone else. Or, maybe it just doesn’t co-” Amaya interrupted her erratic thoughts.
“The heck does “tantalizing” mean..?” Amaya questioned.
“I know,” Miyako started. “Tantalizing means to have something that provokes interest or desire, usually something that someone can’t usually get or achieve.”
Amaya had racing thoughts immediately. It’s probably Miyako. I don’t deserve to have her though. She’s way out of my reach. It’s almost like there’s a barrier between us, some mystical force stopping us…
“Amaya,” Miyako asked. “Are you okay? You’re spaced out again.”
There she goes again, caring so much about me! “I’m fine! Don’t worry about it.”
“You sure..?” Miyako tilted her head.
“When I’m around you, Miyako, I’m sure.”
Ch7 - Yoko
Every day it was the same repeated pattern - Miyako would sit with Amaya on the bus, they’d play games on their phones, and arrive at school. At school, they’d hang out with Yoko, and just generally stick around with her. Then on the way home, Amaya and Miyako would talk about their day, and enjoy one another’s company.
Miyako was beginning to put her doubts aside when it came to Yoko. She seemed like a sweet enough girl, right? Yoko always seemed to act so kind towards Amaya and Miyako. She was witty, compassionate, and overall pleasant to be around.
“AYYYYEEEE MIYAKO!! AMAYA!!” Yoko ran up to the two of them.
“Yes, Yoko..?” Amaya looked up at her, the girl who always seemed to draw attention to the three of them somehow.
“GUESS WHAT?!” she sat on the top of the table, excitedly, before a teacher told her to get down.
“..what is it?” Miyako tilted her head, out of habit.
“I got us tickets to..wait for it..” Yoko grinned.
“Wiku Expo 20XX!”
Amaya jumped, Miyako just kinda died, and Yoko sat their proudly, her eyes shining.
“H-how did you get these?” Miyako exclaimed.
“Let’s just say I know a guy, who has an uncle, who has a brother, who has a stepson who “accidently” bought 50 tickets.” Yoko winked.
“I’m so hyped!” Amaya smiled.
“aLRIGHT KIDDOS” the administrators called from the other side of the cafeteria. “Time to go to ye all’s next classes!”
And with that, they went off, ready to have more happy-friendship moments like that.
Author's Note :3
If you didn't already know, May is National Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month (as well as Mental Health Month!) and for every update in the month of May, I will give an extra update! (these won't be based on the story, but'll just be lil cute things :3)
Just so you know, the next couple of chapters have a massive trigger warning! Please be aware and if those kinds of things bring bad memories, don't read it (specifically ch9 is the one, but all of the next 3 could classify as a trigger warning, depending on how you look at it).
Anyway, thank you all for reading! ^_^
MAIKALuver (talk) 14:10, April 29, 2018 (UTC)
MAKE EXTRA UPDATES SHE SAID
CONTINUE UPDATING SHE SAID
y'all i'm sorry :p
surprise next week though ;D)
EarthlingnAkumi@still super tired (talk) 22:56, May 26, 2018 (UTC)
Ch8 - BPD
Once again, laying in her bed, Amaya had another sleepless night.
She thought about all the times that she’s had in her life before Miyako. But she couldn’t think of any of the good ones. Except for one.
She remembered her secret diary from around that time, and pulled it out to read the entry:
Today my mom took me to therapy. For real this time, Not just selfishly tricking me, like she always seems to do.
She could remember the sweet memory so clearly in her mind. Most people would not appreciate someone randomly taking them to therapy, but this was different.
We went to Doctor...what’s his name again? Way! Yes yes, Way. He was so sweet, he told me a bit about his life. He used to play in a..what was it, emo? Yes, emo rock band. But after that he asked me some questions.
He asked me about my life, had my mom answer some questions, and then diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder, specifically Petulant borderline. He then took me in back room and asked me some personal questions.
He asked me some things about my home life, my current mood, and then he asked me the golden ticket out of my situation.
“Do either one of your parents abuse you in any way?”
But before I could even answer, as if my mom sensed that question from the other room, my mom came in and said we were running late for a meeting and took me and left.
The man said goodbye, and she said she’d never take me to therapy again.
Amaya had forgotten about this part. The tears streamed down her face, like a waterfall, as she started to close up the diary and put it away.
She could hear the doorknob turning. Shoot, she she thought. Mom probably heard me shuffling stuff around!
“What are you doing in here?” she snickered.
Miyako was browsing on the internet as usual, as her mom came into the room.
“Honeyy~” she called.
“Yes, mom?” Miyako looked up and replied.
“Do you want to watch this documentary with me..?” she asked, tilting her head. This was a trait that Miyako got from her mother.
“What’s it about?” Miyako questioned.
“Well,” her mom started. “It’s about Borderline Personality Disorder. Since you’re all into mental illness and all, I think you’d enjoy it.”
As Miyako watched the documentary, she noted so many traits that she had; even though she tried to control them. Manipulative behavior, swift changes in mood, Obsessive, People-pleasing, and so many other things.
“Hey mom,” Miyako said after the documentary, “That was really interesting.”
“Yay~” Miyako’s mom grinned. “I’d knew you’d like it!”
Miyako and Amaya, both on the border of insanity.
(a/n - heyoo y'all it's mayyyy ya know what thattt means okay popping out now cya on saturday)
Miyako looked over at Amaya in the distance. She realized her shirt was almost unbuttoned down to her bra, and if she didn't do anything about it, Amaya could get suspended!
"...Hey, Amaya.." Miyako walked over to her. "You-your shirt."
"What's wrong with my shirt?" Amaya even looked down at the area she was talking about, but alas, she didn't notice.
"Agh," Miyako shook her head. "Just let me do it!" As Miyako's motherly instinct kicked in and promptly died down, she realized what she was doing.
"..." Miyako realized it was already too late, for she had already buttoned Amaya's shirt all the way back up.
"I- S-" Miyako started.
"Hehe," Amaya giggled. "Thanks, Miyako."
"...You're welcome, Amaya.."
Miyako's face was a shade of beet red.
"...I gotta use the bathroom!" she ran off.
"..." Amaya looked at her leaving. "...Why did she decide to do that for me in the first place? She must really care about me!"
Ch9 - Accident (MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING)
Miyako looked over at Amaya.
“O-oh my god!” trying to think back about how she found out about this thing in the first place, as she looked down at Amaya’s arm. “Amaya’s little “accident”.”
Amaya looked up at Miyako.
“I’m sorry,” she started, “I shouldn’t have let you see me in my weakest state. I shouldn’t have let my guard down, I sh-”
“Shut up,” Miyako retorted, “For five seconds. Please.” She didn’t even apologize, or feel bad as she usually would. She felt like she was about to cry, even though it was out of her control.
She looked at the bruises on Amaya’s arms as she sat on girls’ bathroom floor with her. Nobody was in there, seeing as that was the “disgusting bathroom”. It actually looked quite clean, and even had fancy toilets in there, unlike the others.
Miyako’s eyes burned as she sat in awe. It had started at lunch, Yoko hadn’t arrived yet, and Amaya’s sleeved rolled up only to reveal several bruises on her arm. Miyako nearly shoved her into the nearest girls bathroom in fear and sadness, being left in a pool of sweat.
And now, they were here.
“Amaya,” Miyako said in a calm voice, “..what happened to your arm..?”
“N-nothing..” Amaya snapped. “It’s nothing, really.”
Miyako got frustrated for a second but controlled herself. “Amaya, I know it’s not just “nothing”. Please. Just tell me.”
Amaya’s eyes locked to the ground.
“Did you do it yourself?”
“..Did someone else do it to you..?”
Amaya raised her head, for once, someone understood. She rose from the fallen pit in which a continuing cycle, kept going on and on.
“YES..!” she nearly yelled. “Someone understands...it wasn’t me...it was..it was her..” Miyako couldn’t tell if Amaya began crying tears of joy or just recalling bad memories.
“Who, Amaya?” Miyako tilted her head, in that cute way. “Who?” she asked, softly.
“My...mom…” she managed to choke out.
Miyako was surprised. She had saw Amaya’s mother a couple of times before. She didn’t seem...abusive in any way. But, as it turns out, she was.
“I, I’m so..sorry..” Miyako was trying to find the right words, the ' I’m here for you, I’ll get you help, but they were lost.
At this point, tears were streaming down both their faces, as Miyako could not keep in all the vast emotions she was feeling, nor could Amaya. They held each other in a tight embrace, hoping that they would both calm down soon enough.
(a/n) Miyako didn’t know how to deal with this situation - you don’t really know how to deal with it until it’s actually happened to you. You think, “This’ll never happen to me.” but then it ends up happening to someone you love. And it really hurts. I know from experience. It doesn’t even have to be abuse, it can be anything that ends up hurting them. Attempted suicide, finding out that they’ve reverted to self harm, or even something as simple as they’ve lost a family member. So make sure to tell someone you love them, it could really make someone feel so much better about themselves (and even you too!). It may be hard to tell them - but if you really care about them, show it.
And if you’re feeling down, feeling like you’re worth nothing; just know, I love you <3.
"Hey, Miyako, guess what?" Amaya ran up to Miyako.
"Yep?" Miyako tilted her head.
"Why couldn't Daisuke see that new pirate movie?"
"'Cause it was rated RRRRRRRRRR get it? HAHAAHAA I'm so funny!"
Miyako sat in silence.
Amaya looked over at her, confused.
"Is my joke not funny? I am confusion??"
Miyako started giggling.
"Shut up," she said in a playful way, "Everyone's heard that joke before~"
Yoko walked over to the girls.
"I haven't!" she grinned.
"Well Yoko," Miyako replied. "You don't count."
As they walked to class, they all laughed.
Okay, I'm super sorry for not updating!! I've been taking a break from this wiki as it's been stressing me out a ton. So for now I'm giving this story a short hiatus until further notice, so that way I can prepare new chapters and such. Don't worry - I've been working on BORDERLINE behind the scenes. But I want to get it thoroughly edited before I send out the new chapters. I hope you understand. Love y'all, thx, bye
(ps - for every update that i miss/missed i will write an extra chapter :D)
So what will happen to this series?
It will still be on hold, and I will still update it, however BORDERLINE on LINE WEBTOON is going to be my main priority at the moment. Don't worry! Y'all won't be forgotten! I promise. But I knew if I didn't do it now I would've never gotten the courage to..
Hope you all are excited for what's to come~
EarthlingnAkumi@still super tired (talk) 20:47, June 2, 2018 (UTC)
Mass Upload! (final a/n for a while hopefully OTL)
Mass upload of 10 new chapters! (work on formatting later) Sorry for all the delays once again! (also there's like stupid authors note's here and there from the google doc gonna have to get rid of that too ^^;;)
Ch10 - [???]
Amaya looked up at Miyako.
“We’ve..been here for the entire lunch period?” she asked, but soon realized she was talking to silence. Miyako was asleep!
Oh my god, Amaya thought. I don’t even fully understand what happened. She’s so cute when she sleeps though…
“Ahh!” she cleared the thought from her mind. “I need to wake her up somehow..”
She removed Miyako’s hands from around her neck and shook her.
“Miyako..” Amaya pleaded, “The bell’s rung, we’re going to be late.”
Miyako quickly sprung up.
“Huh?!” She burst out the doors. I fell asleep! While holding Amaya.. It felt so nice, but… AHHHHH.
Amaya stood still in the bathroom, in awe, still slowly watching Miyako.
“*Sigh*” Amaya looked down, “she probably doesn’t like me...”
My arm..it hurts so badly. Miyako couldn’t understand, could she? I couldn’t tell dad, mom would find out. Knowing him, he’d probably laugh about it. Miyako is the only one who knows and I’m quite fine with that, honestly.
I took my seat in class, still shocked. You always think that those things would never happen to you, but alas, here I am. Amaya and I were nearly late. And to think, I was about to destroy myself too!!
I don’t even understand what’s going on right now.
I think-where am I?
What happened to me?
A long time ago, I wasn’t like this…
wHAt’S WRONG WITH ME?
If I keep going like this, I don’t think I’ll live very long…
☞✋☠✍ (translation: Fin?)
Ch11 - What a Lovely Place to Be
“So far away from reality...”
“What a lovely place to be.”
Where..where am I?
Who are you?
“Miyako, this is called dissociation.”
“Remember that documentary you watched?”
“It’s where you experience life outside the body.”
“It’s a common symptom of BPD.”
Oh...but still! Who are you?
“I’m a figment of your imagination, of course!”
Nice to meet you, figment of my imagination.
It’s quite soothing here, isn’t it?
Where did you go?
Where are you?
I don’t want to be left alone…
W H Y D I D Y O U L E A V E M E A L O N E ? !
“MIYAKO?!” Amaya brushed her over.
“Hah!” Miyako sat up, face down on the desk. “Not again, I’m so sorr-”
“SHSHUHUSHHOOSH.” Amaya said to her. “Stop saying sorry.”
“AH!” Amaya gave her a stern look. “Nope.”
Miyako’s face turned a slight shade of pink, and she quickly stood up and brushed herself off.
“Is it the end of the day?” Miyako questioned.
Amaya slowly nodded her head.
They walked out into the bus lines and out to their bus.
“Hey, Miyako..?” Amaya looked straight at Miyako as soon as she got onto the bus.
“Thank you so much for, er, earlier.”
“As thanks, I got this from the Skool Ztore.”
Amaya pulled out a magnificent, red rose inside a clear vase made out of the most beautiful, blue china glassware Miyako had ever seen in her entire life. She was at a loss for words.
“Amaya...I…” she looked up at Amaya, back down at the rose, and her eyes quickly pivoted between the two.
Amaya already felt a shock of disappointment, knowing Miyako probably hated them. But Miyako noticed and quickly formed words to get her point across.
“They’re beautiful! Like y-” She was about to say “Like you”, but quickly caught herself. “Better than anything I’ve ever seen before!”
Amaya looked up and smiled.
“I will always keep on loving you.”
“Your love is always here beside me,”
“And I, And I, can’t get it to leave.”
“Turning me upside down completely,”
“But it, But it, makes me happy! :3 xx”
Ch12 - Home Sweet Home
As Miyako lay in bed, she went back into a state of dissociation.
Huh? Amaya, is that you? I recognize your voice!
“Hehe, yes, it is.”
Why..why are you here? With me..while I’m in a phase of dissociation..?
“Well, because I’d like to chat with you!”
“Well you see Miyako, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a very long time.”
I’m all ears-
“Ah, look at the time..”
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave you for now, Miyako.”
“I- I love you.”
“No!!” Miyako squeaked as she sat up from bed.
“..She told me she loved me though.”
“AGH!” Miyako shooed the thought from her head. “It was just another dissociation fit.”
“Miyako,” her dad said from the doorway. “Are you..okay?”
Oh no, she thought, How much had he heard?
“Yep,” she nodded her head. “I’m fine.”
“Hmm,” her dad said, not fully convinced. “Alright, goodnight.”
“Night Dad ~” she was quite surprised that he was even home that early. Usually, he got home at the early hours of the morning, and left after 12:00, while she was at school.
She rolled over and promptly fell asleep.
“Hey, Amaya..” her dad said from the doorway.
“I know it’s late,” he started, “But do you want to take a drive with me..? Ya know, just so we can get out of the house?”
“Yeah, sure!” Amaya replied, perking up. “..Is Mom coming..?”
“No,” her dad looked over. “Just me and you!”
As they got ready to leave, and were about to turn the knob of the door, Amaya’s mother blocked the doorway. It was as if there was some sort of danger out there.
“Stay with me,” she started, with those fake puppy eyes that she constantly seemed to somehow get her way with, “Please.”
“Why..?” her dad had the courage to ask, his voice trembling. Even he was afraid of Amaya’s mom, and that really said something, considering he himself was a big guy.
“Because YO U N EE D M E” she rasped. They could tell she was starting to become pretty ticked off with them.
Amaya had the courage to speak up. “If we need you so much, then why are we leaving you behind in the first place? If you don’t want us to leave, then why are you so..so..”
“Hah, that’s right.” Amaya’s mom mocked. She slowly inched closer to Amaya. “Next time, you’ll think about what you say, right?”
“RIG-” Amaya’s father pushed her to the side.
“Amaya,” he whispered, trembling in fear. “Get in the car.”
“The heckers-” Amaya’s mom sullenly scoffed.
Amaya rushed into the car, adrenaline rushing throughout her body.
Her dad made it out to the car safely behind her, as he yelled back to Amaya’s mom “Look at you with your toaster lookin’ hair”.
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH” Amaya laughed.
“...Isn’t your dad such a good roaster?” he joked.
Halfway through them driving in the car, Amaya’s dad said something refreshing to her.
“Amaya,” he lamented, “I...I know what your mom did to you a couple nights ago. Your friend told me.”
What?! Amaya thought. The only person I told was Miyako. O-oh my god. That must have been awful for her. I feel so bad now..
“Which is why I’m taking you to a hotel, where we already have our luggage,” he comforted. “We’re staying here until we can find somewhere better to live. I’m getting a divorce from your mother. I thought it would be best to break off the rel-”
Before her father could even finish, she had a glow in her eyes. “Thank you!” she yelped. “I..I’m so proud of you, Dad.”
“Now, now, child..” he looked over, “Don’t make me emotional in the car.”
They both giggled. It was the end of one cycle, and the start of the new one.
Ch13 - Daisuke
“The flowers fall like rain..”
Daisuke and Yoko were always hanging out with each other when Miyako and Amaya weren’t with her. Amaya and Miyako never really hung out with Daisuke though - they never had anything to relate to when it came to him.
“Hey Miyako,” Yoko said when Miyako got to lunch early, before Amaya.
“...Yeah?” Miyako tilted her head.
“I REALLY REALLY LIKE DAISUKE-” she blurted out.
Jeez woman, Miyako thought, It’s as if she’s being held at knifepoint!
“Yoko,” Miyako replied “Why exactly are you telling me this?”
“...because, I was thought you would help me! >n<”
Miyako had to think for a few minutes. “Okay,” she agreed. “I’ll help you.”
“Yay!” Yoko exclaimed. “Come on, I want you to tell him that I like him!”
“What?!” Miyako quavered, “I’m even more socially awkward than you, you expect me to ask him out for you?”
Yoko nodded her head.
“Ugh, fine.” Miyako finally agreed.
“Whoop!” Yoko fist pumped, and sat at the lunch table.
“Hey, Daisuke…” Miyako inquired softly, tilting her head.
“Yeah…?” he answered, confused as to why Miyako was even talking to him in the first place.
At this point, Amaya came in and watched this happen. From afar, it looked like Miyako was confessing to him!
The tears welled up in Amaya’s eyes, drowning out all her thoughts. She couldn’t hear. She couldn’t see. Her entire world had been snatched away from her by some dude who barely knew how to solve the equation 5 x 4. ((it’s 20 if you weren’t already aware))
She ran off to the bathroom.
It all made so much sense now, she was only doing it because “she pitied her” and “she wanted her to become more independent.”
I’m not worth independence.
Intermission No. 2
This is an Amaya chapter
My bruises have become a wide variety of colors as I sit in this beautiful bathroom.
A w i d e v a r i e t y
The colors..They’re so pretty...I want more of them.
M o r e
There’s no more black and white.
B l a c k ,, w h i t e
I’ve lost myself in this unforgettable fantasy where “he” doesn’t exist.
H i m
We’d be together forever, right?
R i g h t ?
No, I’m unworthy.
W o r t h y y
But the bruises, they distract me.
I need more.
I want more.
W h a t ‘ s t h e p o i n t o f c a r i n g a b o u t y o u r s e l f, w h e n n o o n e e l s e d o e s ?theses are two questions in one !
Ch15 - “Amaya?”
“Amaya,” she said from behind. “What’s wrong?”
Who was it? That voice was so familiar.
She turned around. Miyako.
“I- me- you-” all words were lost in the situation.
“Congratulations…” she huffed out, looking down.
Miyako giggled. “What did I do?”
“You know what you did.” Amaya was beginning to grow angry.
“No, seriously,” Miyako questioned. “What did I do?”
“Oh stop it with the ‘hehehe I’m so innocent!’. It’s sad how you won’t even tell one of your closest friends about something so special. Now go make out with Daisuke or something.” Amaya quipped, her words sharp.
“Amaya,” Miyako replied, voice soft, “Wait..”
Amaya had already stormed out the room.
“Why would she accuse me of something like that…?”
Miyako swallowed, but the feeling of guilt and sadness wouldn’t disappear. It lingered there like the smell of cheese when you leave it out for too long. She went into the bathroom stall, considering she had to use it anyway, and stayed there for a considerable amount of time.
Yoko was sitting there with a large grin on her face. As Amaya stormed by, she looked up.
“What’s with the long face there, buckaroo?” she snickered.
“Shut up,” Amaya stormed off. “You Wood Reeking Goblin Inhaler” (got this from a generator. Best thing i’ve ever read)
“Hmm.” Yoko pondered as Amaya walked away. “Someone’s in a bad mood, isn’t she?”
Miyako sat still in the bathroom, still so agitated about what had just happened.
“Was it my fault?” “Surely it was.” “But what if I’m just the one taking the blame?” “No. It’s me.”
“And only me.”
“There’s no saving grace in this.”
A million thoughts ran through her mind at a time.
“Goodbye my love,”
“It’s done sweetheart..”
“SayoNARA- IT’S THE END”
“nOW IT’S TIME FOR OUR DEPART,”
“AND WE’LL NEVER LOOK BACK MY FRIEND..”
Ch16 - Smiles Evading
That day, on the bus ride home, both girls stayed silent. Miyako tried so hard to break the silence, but she felt the same feelings that she felt in the beginning. She felt like she was drowning in nothingness. There was nothing she could say. There was nothing she could do. It was all over.
But at last, she found her lost words.
“Amaya..” Miyako peered over at her, “Why are you angry with me? Was it something I did? Please tell me if I’ve been an awful person!”
“...” Amaya sat silent. “Still won’t tell me about that new catch of yours, huh?”
“What do you mean?” Miyako asked.
(Not for long)
“YOU KNOW-” Amaya started. Her temper flared. (a/n - keep in mind this prettty is a normal bpd thing; i do it all the time whoops). But then she stopped.
Calm down Amaya, she thought to herself. Use those tips you saw online. ‘I am angry because Miyako is dating Daisuke and she refuses to tell me. This is making me feel hurt.’
Before Amaya could even say a word of apology, Miyako stood up.
“Miyako,” Amaya’s voice was weak. “Where..what..the bus is still..”
“I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this. I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this. I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this. I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this. I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this. I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this. I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this. I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this. I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this. I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this. I can’t let you see me like this. I can’t let you treat me like this.”
“Why would you treat me like this, you fool?”
The words echoed in Amaya’s mind.
(a/n yo, miyako only says the first part once and then she never says anything else. Amaya’s hallucinating.)
Ch17 - “I’m sorry”
“Miyako!” Amaya finally screamed out.
Throughout the entire bus.
“...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Actually, I yelled multiple times.”
Miyako sat down.
“I’m going to ask again.” Miyako sighed. “...What did I do? I know it’s all my fault. I’m sorr-”
“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Daisuke?” Amaya inquired.
“What do you mean..?” Miyako retorted, with another question.
“About...how you two are dating.”
Miyako giggled a little, and then caught herself, realizing how rude she was being.
“Amaya, you silly goose!” she laughed. “I’m not dating Daisuke! I asked him out for Yoko.”
Amaya sat silent.
“Grr..” she growled. “I got all worked up, just for that! I’m really sorry, Miyako, I really am.”
“...It’s okay Amaya. I can’t just not forgive you.” Miyako held onto Amaya’s arm as if she were going to fall out of the window.
She rested her head upon Amaya’s shoulder, as Amaya sat in silence. She didn’t know what to do, the person who was just angry at her 5 minutes ago was now clutching onto her. Her love, her everything gripped onto her so tight as if she were to lose her. Amaya stroked Miyako’s hair, but then a student in Daisuke’s class came back towards them and they both swiftly left go, Miyako whistling as if nothing had just happened.
“Are you two…” he sighed, “...okay?” ((yall this boi is important TAKE NOTES))
“Haha,” Miyako laughed awkwardly, “Yes, we’re fine.”
“Okay,” he replied. “Lovebirds” he mumbled quietly and giggled as he left.
Finally, the bus was at Miyako’s stop.
“Well,” Miyako smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Amaya! I lov- I MEAN have a good day! (what a mood what a mood)”
“Bye Miyako!” Amaya grinned back. Miyako walked off the bus.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Amaya screamed internally.
WhAT, she thought. My mind is so boggled. I-I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. The way she clutched onto my arm…
Both Amaya and Miyako were restless. They could only think about that moment they spent.
And that was all they wanted to think about...❤
Ch18 - You and I
“Our hearts and minds are one,”
“We think alike.”
Miyako hopped onto the bus the next morning, eager to see Amaya. She rushed up to their seat, and sat down in a fast paced manner.
“Wow,” Amaya exclaimed, “Someone’s peppy today.”
“I really wanted to see you! <3”, burst Miyako, though quickly realizing what she said, turned away.
“...Miyako, I wanted to see you too, so it’s a win-win!” Amaya smiled.
Amaya and Miyako just started out with random chatter, and then Miyako proceeded to ask a question.
“If you had a mental illness,” she started, “What would it be?”
Amaya paused for a second, and considered whether she should tell Amaya the diagnosis story or not.
“Well actually,” Amaya replied, “I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.”
“Borderline Personality Disorder.” the words cut deep into Miyako. She hadn’t felt that feeling in a while.
“Oh really,” Miyako conceded, “Are you in therapy or anything like that right now?”
“No,” she sighed. “My mom only took me once and I haven’t told my dad about it yet.”
Amaya realized the discussion had become depressing, and then decided to change the subject.
“So,” she questioned, “How ‘bout you?”
“M-me?!” she exclaimed. “Well…”
“I think I have BPD too.
But I’m not entirely sure.
I watched a documentary, and I know self diagnosis is no good..”
“But no one would believe me if I said anything.”
“Miyako..” Amaya comforted.
“I know what BPD feels like, as I have to go through it every day. Just know you are loved, and that I’m here for you. 24/7 hotline.”
Miyako giggled a little at the last statement. “Same to you.”
They sat in silence and slowly watched each other. They said nothing, just silence between the two.
“Thank you. For just being here with me.”
“If it weren’t for you..” Amaya, almost involuntarily, clutched Miyako’s hand, waiting for the answer.
“I might’ve decided to do something stupid.”
(y’all i’m already emotional today i want to cry. But this is also kinda soothing. I am confusion????????)
Ch19 - Silent
“Did I say something wrong..?” Miyako finally broke the silence. “I’m sorry if I said something that made you uncomfortable!!”
“No,” Amaya replied, “I’m just, a bit shook, is all. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now.”
They were almost at school, but Amaya continued to clutch onto Miyako’s hand, almost in the same way Miyako clutched onto her arm.
“I’m sorry!!” Amaya apologized “Am I making you uncomfortab-”
“No..” Miyako smiled. “Please keep holding onto my hand.”
And so she did.
“UGH!” Yoko bellowed. “Where are Miyako and Amaya at?!”
“Calm down babe,” Daisuke patted Yoko, “Their bus is probably just a little late or something.”
“A little?!” Yoko fumed. “You call that a little?”
“Jeez,” Daisuke turned off to his class, “I was just trying to reassure you.”
Daisuke walked into class.
“DAISSUUUUUKE!” his friend, the one that was talking to Miyako and Amaya on that one day.
“Hansuke!!!! YOO..!” (pst hansuke means a very helpful friend ;D oh and daisuke means big help) Daisuke called back.
“So….” Hansuke started. “What’re we gonna do about Miyako and Amaya..?”
“I don’t know,” Daisuke replied. “Girlfriend seems to hate them today. Maybe I’m just hallucinating, but it seems like she’s using them...?”
“You should break up with her.” Hansuke recommended. “She’s using you too. PLUS she hates me. I don’t even know why.”
“Last time I tried to abandon her while we were still friends, she threatened to kill herself. I love her, but..” Daisuke trailed off.
“Your relationship with her is toxic.” Hansuke informed him. “You really need to break it off.”
“I know…” he sighed. “But I just can’t do it.”
“Alright class!” the teacher entered. “Everyone take your seats!”
Daisuke and Hansuke, scheming away.
Hello all! I am allowing public access to the google doc that holds the entire BORDERLINE story. I know this isn't the point of the wiki but here I am doing it anyway. I will mark the story as complete, enjoy! BORDERLINE
- EarthlingnAkumi@roses are red violets are blue buy a ticket to miku expo or i will kill you (talk) 14:00, July 5, 2018 (UTC)
OH ALSO! QnA if anyone wants, just leave a comment in the google doc at the very end! :3