A Lonely Silhouette
Type: Fan Fictions
Series: My Brother, My Brother
Preceding: In a While Now
A Thor-centric short. Post Thor 2. Now shipping Thor/Natasha. Part two of two of the fics inspired by Amaryllis by Shinedown
Natasha hovered outside the door of Thor's room - the one Tony had assigned to him within Avengers Tower. She had been heading to her own room when she'd heard a crash from within Thor's, and now it definitely sounded like someone was sobbing uncontrollably. She debated to herself interrupting, but the longer she stood listening, the more painful listening got. She knocked.
"Thor?" As she entered, he lifted his head from his hands. He was sat on the bed, Mjolnir at his side, parts of what used to be the small table scattered.
"Natasha? What are you doing here?" His voice was quiet and broken, and held no resentment. In fact, he almost seemed glad that someone had appeared. She crossed the room quickly and sat down next to him.
"Are you okay?" An obvious question to ask, one that was easy to see the answer to, but one that would get him to open up, even if only a little. Thor sighed, brushing a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry that you have to see me like this." He looked at Natasha and offered a thin smile. "I'll be fine."
"Are you sure? You know, I'm here now so if you want to talk you can." She placed her hand atop his. He smiled a little more convincingly at the comfort. It was strange, but at that moment Thor seemed more like a man than anyone else.
"You did not ever like Loki, did you?" He turned his head fully to meet Natasha's eyes.
She thought for a moment. She did not want to be dismissive or cold, but then also didn't think that Thor would appreciate a skewed version of the truth that she hated Loki with all her heart for what he had done, and that if given the chance, would kill him without hesitation or remorse.
"I did not." was the reply she gave.
"I will not be surprised, nor offended that you will not be saddened to hear of his death. He did try to ruin your world, and hurt you, so I can understand why you hated him." All of a sudden, Thor's anger made sense. Natasha had known of his mother's death, which explained the sadness, but having to deal with Loki's death as well, especially after he had tricked Thor the last time, would be a terrible weight.
"I am sad for you. I know you loved him." A smile flashed over his face.
"Not enough. I didn't ever do enough to show him that. I pushed him and shoved him and never thought of his feelings, I never thoughts of his pain and - oh, I was such a selfish, selfish fool." He let out another sob, and gasped for air, hanging his head. Natasha put an arm around him and hugged him.
"I'm sure that you did, really. He must have known that you loved him."
"Ha." Thor laughed, a bitter and breathy sound, suddenly feeling a surge of anger. "He saved my life and died in my arms and I couldn't even thank him. All I did was tell him father would be proud. Proud of what? His death?" He was cut off by the need to take a deep, unsteady breath.
Natasha said nothing, knowing he wouldn't find comfort in her empty words. She had her own issues, her own losses and struggles so she knew how it was to be alone, but even so, Thor always seemed so kind and happy and selfless that it was strange to see him break down and feel such despair.
"I'm sorry, Natasha. I should not take my anger out on you, not when you are showing me such kindness." he rubbed his hand over his eyes and mouth, pausing to squeeze the bridge of his nose.
Natasha broke the silence. "I've never been good with anger, nor kindness really. I'm not the nicest person at all, unlike you."
Thor's smile was bittersweet. "If you had known me in my youth, you would know I am not kind. Loki was right, as he often was. I was arrogant, stupid, and selfish, and I still am."
Slowly through the night, Natasha got Thor to share stories of his youth: times that he had played with Loki; his first meeting with Sif, which had ended badly for him; and his first trip through the Bifrost, to Vanaheim. He recalled the way he had been so startled that he'd fallen flat on his face when they landed. Of course, he was ashamed in front of Sif, the Warriors Three and Loki who would not let it go.
He had been amazed at the forests everywhere, huge, tall trees, thousands of years old and still with many centuries left to live. He had felt wonder at being on a different world, one so similar and yet so very different from Asgard. The feasts and drinking, however, weren't all that different as he'd soon found.
"You're good at storytelling." said Natasha as he paused for breath. They had shifted to lie on the bed, Thor's arm now wrapped around her as they looked up to the ceiling.
"I've never quite had the way for words Loki has- Had." his face crumpled. Natasha rested her head on his chest.
"It's okay to miss him. I still miss my family sometimes."
"You have a lot of secrets, don't you? Don't worry," he said as he felt her tense up. "I cannot read minds, if that is what you are panicking about. I have no skill in magic and not even Loki could read minds. But he had a lot of secrets too, so I suppose I have come to recognise them."
"Perhaps one day I might tell you." she said with a small smile, allowing herself to relax.
"I won't count on it, but I will look forward to it."
Soon after this, and without really realising it, they fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.
Several weeks passed. Neither Thor nor Natasha made any reference to the night, though to the others it was clear that they had become closer.
Thor was sneaking back to his room from the kitchen, hiding a middle of the night cake that he intended to consume. As he passed Natasha's room, he paused, hearing a muffled sob inside. He knocked gently and entered.
"Thor?" She looked up from where she sat on the bed, hugging her knees, tears running down her face. Her voice was shaky.
"Would you like some cake?" He uncovered it, placed it on her small table and sat down beside her. She made a watery smile and rested her head on his arm.
"I think it's time I told that story I owe." she said, her voice soft, but controlled.
Once again, they talked through the night. And, for the first time in a long while, they both felt a little less lonely.